… and the corner is turned.
She’s gone. Emotionally, spiritually, empathetically, she’s gone. She’s been gone for a while now, I just didn’t see it. For the last (almost) two weeks, I’ve stopped trying to retain it, to get it back; it’s clear now that I wasn’t going to succeed and that I didn’t have a chance. I just want her to go so I can mourn and heal and grow.
There’s only so much asking a person can do before the silence becomes an answer. This has been a phenomenal growth process, though, and I’m a much better person for it. I recognize now what I deserve, that I’ve put my feelings and needs on the back burner for so long, completely losing myself in the process. I have played the long game, provided patience, kindness, love, appreciation, devotion, acceptance, forgiveness, empathy, and hope, only to be met with distance, dissonance, rejection, admonishment, fear, anxiety, silence, and doubt.
(No, that’s not all I was met with. Yes, I understand that. But I’m at the anger stage and some of this shit just isn’t right. It’s not.)
Bottom line is, I refuse to be second best to the idea in your head.
So, go. Please. I need to grieve.