I have to write this here because it’s fucking bursting out of me and I need a way to look it in the eye.

I have to do step four now, and I realize it and I’ve avoided it because i’m fucking terrified.

I know I’m not supposed to be scared, but the prospect of doing this inventory has had me on the verge of tears for three days.  It sucks that the timing of the stepwork is coincidental with so many other things going on that intersect with this process – only because of perception, not because I’m resentful about the work.  I’m resentful about a lot of things, but not the work.

I feel like I’m standing in the middle of the same warehouse that holds the ark of the covenant.

I haven’t been this scared in a long long time.


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